I’ve decided to create a list of resolutions for those of you who can’t make up your mind exactly what it is you want to change about yourself. Admit it ladies, none of your previous resolutions have worked out. I know because I’ve done the same thing. Heck if my own resolutions stuck year after year, I’d be so perfect no one would be able to stand me. So lets be reasonable women. This year, lets come up with things that aren’t totally out of reach.
Lets accept the fact that if you’re not Paris Hilton or Pamela Anderson, you’re not going to wake up with huge boobs, blond hair, piles of money and a stupid little useless windup toy that mascarades as a real dog. You’re not going to walk out of your house on January 2nd and get into the back of a limousine just like Donald Trump’s. If any of those things are true for you, send me a Resmerandum and I’ll apologize for a small fee.
Instead, lets come up with some realistic resolutions that you can achieve on a daily basis shall we? I hate to see you disappointed after all. You’re way too cute. And besides, you’re reading this now so you may need something to focus on that’s a little more interesting. I’ll help you! Use these as a guideline, or if you have no imagination whatsoever, copy them verbatim and say over and over to yourself in a newage I-do-whatever-my-rice-crispies-tell-me-to-do kind of airy fairy voice, “Rezzy knows”.
New Year’s Resolutions 2006 For Women Only
I will stop wearing enough perfume to choke an entire NFL team to work just because I want some guy to pay attention to me.
I will start associating ice cream with the giant cans of lard they really are instead of a replacement for that guy at work who won’t pay attention to me.
I will record the sound of my own voice while being upset about something and acknowledge that what my ex said about me being a needy whiner is the REASON the guy at work won’t pay any attention to me.
I will resist the urge to hope that any of the guys I meet in bars are my soulmate.
I will stop asking psychics to give me black magic spells to make the younger more attractive women at work trip down the stairs or accidently take too many Vicoden.
I will get it through my head once and for all that self-esteem doesn’t come from an episode of Oprah.
I will stop expecting men to use the reply button or text me back after I’ve sent them a message that sounds like I’ve just overdosed on valium with a vodka chaser declaring my undying love and total disdain for his very existence because he just doesn’t get my feelings in the same paragraph.
I will stop expecting men to be women.
I will stop treating my current boyfriend or husband like he ruined my life just because he didn’t behave like the good little trained puppy I wanted him to be.
I will stop making anyone and everything ELSE the provider of my happiness or reason for being.
I will stop getting excited every time I have a dream about my ex because it just has to be prophetic!
I will be a better more loving person than I was last year, because I mean it, not because it’ll get me a promotion.
If I must read self help books, I’ll choose ones by reputable authors instead of the National Enquirer just because its cheaper.
I will understand that bitch is just a word, not a lifestyle.
January 8th, 2006 at 9:32 am
Great blog. I have bookmarked it
April 18th, 2006 at 12:59 pm
Hi! Guys how you manage to make such perfect sites? Good fellows! ged study test
April 20th, 2006 at 8:49 pm
Good site! It is very creative and includes a wealth of information.
May 15th, 2006 at 3:40 pm
I glad too see this interest site, I tell my friends about it! They like sites like that: site
May 16th, 2006 at 6:46 am
This web-site is the coolest! Now I dont have to feel so intimated by science! Youre a genius! I think Ill visit this site often.
http://searchvia.net/search.php?aff=15881&saff=1&q=Mlm
May 21st, 2006 at 7:33 am
This is one of the best sites I have ever found. Thanks!!! Very nice and informal. I enjoy being here.
May 27th, 2006 at 7:40 pm
like your site ! Its very well !
searchvia.net
June 9th, 2006 at 2:34 pm
Super site ! Bravo au webmaster qui a su rendre le site tres interressant.Continue comme ca
June 9th, 2006 at 6:11 pm
Hello, cool site - nice navigation keep going do it! You will have them for our next
Our site: http://www.anfeya.ru/
June 12th, 2006 at 6:18 am
Hello, Admin! You are the best!!! Congratulations. Best regards from regular visitor of your site.
http://xanax15.pisem.net/
June 28th, 2006 at 1:30 pm
Great site!!! Very Cool. Keep up the good work. Very sweet person to chat with.
Luv, ME
July 5th, 2006 at 10:03 am
Howdy resmyrranda; love your web site and your sense of everything is wonderful….
August 9th, 2006 at 7:41 pm
Top notch site, I really enjoyed reading !